I Kinda Hope No One Is Reading This
I want to make those ads for the government that are anti-marijuana. I mean, I think they're doing a great job and all... I laugh my ass off at them all the time, anyway. But, I could do it way better, and I wouldn't even have to lie.
The ad would just be me, saying, "Listen kids. Here's the truth. Marijuana is bomb tingleberries. It's the shit. No one has ever died from it. It isn't a gateway drug, except for idiots who were going to try the bad shit anyway. It is safer than alcohol. But, here's the deal. You kids are fucking it up for the rest of us. Religious zealots are holding over us the fact that minors will gain access to an intoxicant. Now, no one gets to have it. So, for the good of our country, fucking wait till your 18. I promise, it'll be worth it. Plus, when you're a minor, you only get shwagg anyway. Wait for the good stuff... pretty fucking please."
Problem solved. Every kid in America holds out. It'll be fucking revolutionary. And this ad will of course set in motion the full legalization, since the truth would be so hard to ignore. Everyone wins. Especially me. Cut me my check now please.
Someday I may write that so it makes sense... but not today.