Thursday, November 20, 2003

So it's Thursday night and I'm a happy camper. The week is almost over, which means the weekend is near and liqour will flow like... well, liqour. It also means that another hockey game is coming up, finally.

Hockey night is the single greatest thing that happens on the weekend, with the possible, but not likely chance, of this kid getting some action. Haha, just kidding, hockey is way better than that. Going to a hockey game means drunken debauchery, screaming profanities, and foam shocker fingers. Yes, Tim, Wubbs and I all have those, they're so cool.




This is Thomas Vanek. About a year ago I wanted to have his love child. Then someone told me I could not have children, since I don't have a womb. After contemplating this injustice I thought maybe I could just have a sex change, and carry the child in my rectum or something. After some brief medical consultation I found out this would not fly either... and the doctor tried to have me committed. Screw you Dr. Jerkoff.

Anyway, Vanek would probably not let me have his love child anyway. That guy probably has more hockey whores than he knows what to do with. Plus, he's apparently too busy skating around all day, that's the only way you could possibly get as good as he was last year. He's letting me down this year, but I assume the Gophers will once again come rolling back in the seond half of the season and claim another title.

But really, we don't even go to the hockey games for the hockey. In fact, half the time I can't see the game because of the ass-clowns in front of us that feel the need to stand the whole time. Instead, we spend most of our time hurling random insults at players, referees, cheerleaders, and anyone in the crowd that happens to piss us off. In light of this I thought I'd do a top ten list of our best insults/comments so far this year. These are in no particular order, basically because I don't care enough to put them in one.

10. Get on your knees ref... CUZ YOUR BLOWING THE GAME!

9. Hey buddy, can't wait to see you when you make it to the NHL... HAHAHAHAHA, NO CHANCE IN HELL!

8. (while watching the little kids playing during intermission) Tim: You call this hockey?!?! These guys suck!!!

7. (when playing Denver) Dammit Rechey, I know where you live.... Denver!!!

6. Stab him with your skate!!!! Don't drop your stick, use it!!!

5. Reichmuth, you fucking Nazi! You just fucking suck!

4. Do the flying V! (Mighty Ducks style, you know you watched it)

3. Pound the triange button!! Deke, bitch, deke!!!

2. (after giving up a goal) ITS ALL YOUR FAULT, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! (I love that chant)

and of course, because it relates to this site, when the announcer talks about the Steak Knife's steaks being big and tender....

1. GOLDY'S MOM IS BIG AND TENDER

Speaking of which, I sat by a girl in class today that dresses as Goldy for the volleyball games. I wanted to tell her that her mom was big and tender, but I refrained. It was definitely tough.

Well, that's about it for now, if you have any suggestions for what we should yell at the game this weekend (against Denver Tech) feel free to drop a comment. I'm out like a metaphor for being out.

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