Sunday, January 25, 2004

Where to Even Begin

Wow kids, absolutely fan-fucking-wow. This weekend has been a blur, wrapped in an enigma, dipped in a haze, and coated in a nice thick drunken stupor. I'm not sure if it's been at all good or bad, but I'm going to report the parts that I remember, and let you decide.

Friday Night

So this weekend we had kind of resolved to give Rufus, the beer pong table, a few days off because he just screws us over royally whenever we use him. However, Friday evening rolled around and Mike our roommate said he had a couple of friends coming over that wanted to play. A couple of buddies of mine called and said that they were also looking forward to meeting Rufus, so we pretty much had no real choice in the matter. We planned on just having a small gathering of people for some casual playing. Well, that blew up in our faces quite quickly. I only remember snippets of the night, but I know there were at least 20 people here over the course of the evening and everyone was just totally fucking tanked... except Chelesea. I think she likes making fun of us when she's sober and we aren't. It's all right though, because she saved me from near certain death when I kept trying to drink out of my broken beer bottle, which was probably filled with chips of glass. The night got rowdy, Wubbs won four games in a row of beer pong, and nearly everyone puked, except this guy. I won a six dollar bet for not losing my lunch, cuz I'm the fucking man. By far the funniest moment of the night was at McDonalds, however, when this conversation happened when Tim (Marshall's roommate) and I walked in the door and stood at the end of the huge line.

Tim: Hey Shaun, I forget, is this place smoking or non-smoking?

Me: It's non-smoking dude, I can order for you if you want to go out and smoke.

Tim: Nah, that's OK.... there's a lot of people here though, they probably wouldn't care, right?

Me (now nervous, cuz I can already see where this is going): Dude, they'll care. Just go outside, I'll order your McChicken sandwiches.

Tim (putting a smoke in his mouth): Nah, I just think I'm going to do it. What can they do right?

Me: They can kick our drunk, minor asses out of here man... and I'm hungry.

Tim: Eh, oh well. (lights up)

Amazingly, as smoke wafted over dozens of drunk, hungry college kids at two in the morning, no one real seemed to notice, not even the security gaurds. I let him get away with it for quite a while, since I thought it was really fucking hilarious, then finally convinced him to go outside. The best part of this story is that I'm sure Tim won't remember it at all unless he reads this.

Saturday Night

Needless to say, we woke up rather late on Saturday. I took a couple of Tylenol and I was ok, as was Wubbs, but Mike apparently had a wicked hangover. After sitting around and eating for a while, recalling the little we could of the night before, we realized it was hockey night and we didn't have much time to get stuff done so we could get back to drinking and being rowdy before the game. We all did our thing, then busted out our choice of 80 proof liqours. Mal brought some 151 which I took care of with her in short order, which left me in good shape for the game.

The game was totally fucking awesome. We screamed our lungs out, we didn't piss anyone off around us (in fact, I think we're growing on everyone), and we kicked the shit out of the fucking Sioux. Damn, I'm a traitor, giving up on my Dakota roots so quick for Minnesota, but it was just North Dakota anyway, so who gives a shit. Oh and on the way back from the game, Tim and I accidentally gave a cop in a cop car the shocker. Whoops...

Anyway, Ty, Marshall, Danny Noble, Seth and a bunch of other people stopped at our house, ready to go out and party. We ended up hitting up a semi-lame party, that was only made awesome by Wubbs and Noble acting absolutely out of control. I'll let Wubbs tell that story. The only other thing of note was Ty's buddy carrying his liqour around in a suitcase and Seth doing something that I won't mention until he tells me what really happened. And even then I probably won't be able to tell you guys. So ha!

After the party I took a page from Ed's book and made some prank phone calls to QVC and the like. The best was probably the all expenses paid vacation that wouldn't pay for my marijuana and hookers. Honestly, does that sound like all expenses paid at all?!?!?! The guy on the phone did say he wanted to party with me sometime though, haha.

Other than that, the night was uneventful, except for two rather unfortunate things. First, Pat came with Slarks and made me go to McDonalds with them. On the way back he got into a fight in a parking lot, which I just didn't want to deal with because I had to play daddy and break it up. Oh, and I woke up this morning (read, 12:30) and Mike informed me that someone poured ketchup and mayonaisse all over Chelesea's car. If it was anyone I know, you better not tell me, because I'll rip off your testicles. I'm sure it was just some random though, which makes me hate people in general. Oh, and leaving the party late Saturday night and seeing all the couple walking out, reminded me of this...

Sorry, longest post ever, I'm sure. I'll keep them shorter, but I do have some decent material that I thought of for this week, so keep on the lookout.

Links of the Day

Speaking of Hockey, this article is really interesting... the physics of hockey

Britain has some fucked up hero priorities. Michael Jackson number four, Jesus number 123. I'm scared.

Pepsi is saving the kids that got sued by the RIAA... that's hilarious.


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