Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Just Give it a Little Touch

Do not worry it won't bite. This is a picture Sir McNoble took on our road trip to Lake Havasu, AZ for spring break. This is at Arches National Park in Utah.

A Conversation Between Josh Wubbena and Shaun Blum

"My ass itches"

"Ah, a little excess fecal material huh?"

"Yep, I always keep a little around, it keeps my ass safe"

"Safe? From what?"

"Predators, duh."

"So... you're worried about homosexual rapists going after your sweet ass huh?"

"Hell yes, I always keep this around, it's a survival instinct"


"Hell yeah, if I ever go to jail, I'm never wiping my ass. Then, if I ever get raped, I can turn around and say, haha poopy dick. And then I'd probably get beaten down. But it'd be worth it"

"You have a valid point."

"I'm telling you, if I were a rapist, I'd search for the cleanest asshole. This is survival of the fittest."

"You never cease to amaze me..."

Later in the walk.

"Jesus, you are cool Wubbs"

"I am Jesus"

"I wish Jesus' name was Josh Wubbena, that'd be great. I'd definitely lose some respect for the man though."

"If his name was Josh I'm sure my name would be Jesus, and we'd be having the same conversation in reverse."

"Wow, I think we've stumbled upon some parallel dimension with this one."

"Yep, we're definitely in an alternate universe, hanging out with the Star Trekians."

"How about the Star Warsians?"

"No dumb ass."

"I love when we have conversations Wubbs. This is definitely going on Goldy's Mom."

What a productive walk to the bank. Best post ever, hands down.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Why God!?!?! Why?!?!

Ah, the glory years... I miss them so. We will be back!

As I'm sure you have all heard already, our proud, amazing, and downright sexy Golden Gophers team has fallen to the petty, shameless, wussy, assclowns that are the UMD Bulldogs. It is a sad, sad day for those of us at the U of M, and those in love with the team.

The only consolation is in knowing that we are, were, and always will be the real deal when it comes to hockey. Jump on the bandwagon quick UMD fans, this is your year, you must surely know it won't last long. By the way, I hope you guys are shitting your pants after watching the Michigan/Boston College game. That was a fucking amazing overtime, had me on the edge of my seat the whole time, and I don't even give a shit about either team. But clearly, UMD will be overclassed by the other side of the bracket and will go down in a burning blazing craptacular show, even if they get past Denver. As my former roommate Ryan put it in his away message, "I'd rather lose than be a homosexual bulldog."

Oh, just kidding. I know some of you reading this go to UMD. I'm just a little bitter. They did pretty much own us all year, so I was pretty worried about today. Good luck the rest of the tournament, it better be a Minnesota team to take it all!

To lighten the mood, I shall post this picture...

That is a picture of Seth and his excellent roommate frosh year, Al. Al was... big, and kind of smelly. And he didn't move much. Man, I miss that kid.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Dead Mexican Goat, Go Fuck Yourself, Prairie Fire, Blowjob...

Those, my friends, are just some of the high class drinks that were forced down my throat the other night, in celebration of the first taste of alcohol I've ever had, I swear. Yeah. I got 11 or 12 down in all, of some of the nastiest combinations of alcohol (and mustard, and tobasco, and creme...) that have ever been put together. A red headed slut did buy me a, well, "red headed slut" though. And I threw whipped cream all over, apparently. And I don't really remember the entire night. Did I vomit? Oh yes. Did I make it to the bathroom of Bobby Z's. Absolutely. Did I make it to the toilet? Well, most of the way. Bleah, a fitting end to a hell of a 21 run.

Unfortunately, no pictures were taken. Probably for the best, since I spent much of the evening after the bar rolling around on the floor of my house waiting to pass out. But it was a hell of a night and I want to thank everyone that was there and bought me drinks, even when it was apparent that I had too much.

Not much else is new here. Spring has arrived, and we've already done some grilling. Feel free to bring meat and charcoal over to our house at any point on the weekend, I have a feeling we'll always be willing to sit outside by the grill with you. Well, I don't know about these jackasses, but I will be. I love this weather.

I am listening to the Golden Gophers head to victory right now, against Notre Dame. I almost went to Notre Dame, so it's even sweeter for me to know I picked the right school as far as hockey is concerned. Which really, is all that matters. Anyway, I'll be at the bar tomorrow at noon watching us play, probably against UMD. You jackasses in the area better be there with me cheering the Gophers on.

Other than that, I've been on a huge Stanley Kubrick kick lately. Probably the best director ever. Read this article, it's great, and really makes me want his Napolean to be made, just so long as a no-talent fuck face director doesn't put his hands on it. And yes, I liked AI, even though Steven Spielberg definitely put too much of his feel into the movie.

Now I am off to cause a little trouble. It's a beautiful day, quit reading this shit and go outside! Well, right after you check out....

Links of the Day

Probably the most hilarious link I've posted in a long time. This guy makes fun of people cyber sexing. Fucking comedy gold.

This game will definitely suck up a little of your life. It's sort of like Marble Madness (an excellent game to play stoned, if you're into that). It definitely needs more levels though.

If I joined the military, I would be this guy. This guy does some hilarious stuff, and he works psy ops, which is just inherently cool.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!

Thought I'd do a quick post before I go out and possibly die. March 23, 1983, a day that will live in infamy, when the sexiest mother fucker in the world was born... or something. Anyway, I'll add more tomorrow, Wubbs promises to take some pictures of me so to help me remember the night. I'll also get a picture of the gift Seth gave me, possibly the coolest drinking goblet ever. Until then, leave a comment, wish me a happy b-day assholes :)

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Duke Sucks! Thanks Fark

Thanks to Far. I realize that many schools have a large rivalry with Duke. I think it's cool that a fairly small private school can have a highly competitive basketball team (though I do think it's BS that they can offer some mad scholarships because their private). Still, when they lost, I had to give a chuckle, mainly because of this picture...

That's right kid, cry! CRY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wow, I'm evil, I think it's funny when little kids cry...

Gophers, Voids, and Ryan, oh my!

It's spring break motha fuckas! We here at the good ole' 608 got the week going in style. Mike is off in Cancun drinking margaritas and banging senoritas (OK, so maybe just his girlfriend he brought with him), Wubbs is at Lake Havasu (he called me to brag about how many boobs he saw within like the first 30 fucking seconds of being there), and me? Well, I showed my true fandom (and my extreme poverty) by staying at the good ole' U of M to cheer on our hockey team.

Not only did I cheer them on, I scored a fucking goal for them. That's right kids, I am the sixth man on the ice. How did I do so? Well, by doing what I do best of course... screaming at the goalie until he was so unnerved that anything would go by. It went something like this, all within 20 seconds:

Me: Hey Boron (SCSU goalie), don't forget, you still fucking suck!

Me: Your gonna choke Boron, they're all gonna laugh at you.

Me: He's nervous, put it in the net!!!!!

Troy Riddle: Hey thanks Shaun (puts it in to the empty net)


Honestly, if you're going to be a goalie, change your name from Boron, it makes it too damn easy. I skipped the obvious insults and went straight for the jugular... by calling him an atomic element. Nothing gets to a goalie like telling him that he has 37 electrons... yeah.

But the real treat of the hockey game, besides the 7-3 victory, was that Ryan Fucking Sydejko was there (curiuosly, Fucking is actually his real middle name, way to go Mama Syd). Ryan was our roommate last year and is now in law school in Oklahoma. Ryan and I spent most of our time together last year drinking and playing Golden Tee, and occasionally watching Cops. Class wasn't really an issue for us so much. Ryan was the first person to get me ballsy enough to order a drink at a bar under the age of 21. From there it was a glorious year of getting just tanked at Bobby Z's on a regular basis. In memorium, we played a little GT2k5 at Robert Zimmerman's and drank a little before the game.

On Friday night Charles, a hometown friend, came up to visit. Seth brought him over to my house and we all went out and saw Touching the Void. At first I was disappointed since it sounded like a porn and it wasn't, but I got over it when I found out how bad ass it was. It's a movie about two mountain climbers that climb a face of a mountain that's never been done before (it's a true story). And they have problems. I won't ruin the movie for ya, but the one climber, "Joe" can officially be called all that is man. Liz Bender and I came to the consensus that we'd both have sex with him, he was so studly.

That's all I have for today, hopefully sometime this week I'll do something crazy and spring breakish to write about. But before I forget...

O.A.R. is going to be playing in Winona on April 30. Tickets are 20 bucks (but Amy's going to score me some $15 ones, right? I'll bring you donuts...). Anyway, I love OAR and demand a road trip to see them play. If anyone is interested, we can take my car. This is the concert I'm going to that month instead of Ben Folds, since I have a test right around the concert. Sorry Chris, no drunken Sioux Falls hijinks in my near future. But yeah, drop me a message and let me know if you are interested in the concert. Or if anyone wants to go to Ben Folds in Sioux Falls 4/21, leave a message too, I'm sure Chris would love to sell more tickets.

Monday, March 08, 2004

Holy Shockers, Batman

Well, I thougth this was just too damn funny when it was shown to me. Props to Mal, obviously one of the coolest girls in the world, since she also found this funny. Tim, you found a real winner of a girlfriend. Apparently the maker of the image is a friend of Tim's, named Hasseler. I don't even know him, but he's my new hero. Anyway, enough build up, here it is...

Yeah, I'm definitely on the direct path to h e double hockey sticks. Hasseler also adds, commenting on the picture...

"if Jesus wasn't for the shocker he wouldn't have put a woman's 2 orifaces so close together, nor would he let our hands bend that way"

Nice, very nice.

I'm too lazy to write a full post

Well, the intro kind of says it all. This may have been the most fucked up weekend of my life, hands down. And I lost my cell phone, which pisses me off. If I can't find it, I may be announcing an all points bulletin on here for the phone numbers I've lost. Anyway, not much about the weekend I want to say, except Saturday night was pretty fun at some random house that had a leaky roof. Wubbs did something even funnier than the time I called a girl fat and made her cry. It went something like this.

Guy: How's it going dude.

Wubbs: Not bad, just came over here to ditch that fat chick over there.

Guy: That's my sister.

Wubbs: Oh shit.

I promptly came over and made the situation worse, but the guy sadly didn't want to beat the hell out of Wubbs. How he gets away with not getting his ass kicked on a regular basis is beyond me.

And finally, I just recently found out that one of my best friends from high school is now engaged. Holy shit, that's crazy, but he picked the right girl for it. Congratulations Matt and Val. Just so Matt doesn't forget all his crazy high school times, I dug out this classy picture.

That's Matt on the right. Couldn't have picked a better guy Val.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Caption This Please

honestly, what the fuck is going on here....

Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

"My girl, my girl, tell me, where did you sleep last night?" You wanna know where I slept this weekend? Fucking nowhere, that's where I slept. Apparently, I felt that sleep was optional both Friday and Saturday night, and chose to option my ass right out of it. Let me tell you, not the best of ideas kids, so this post will explain what happened so you don't make the same decision.

So Friday morning Seth and I were driving to Brookings at like seven in the morning. We decided the best option for making sure we woke up in time was to stay up all night Thursday night. Eh, not so bad, I've certainly pulled the all nighters often enough before.

Well, that made for an interesting time judging debate on Friday. I actually fell asleep during a couple of speeches, which I'm sure was sort of frustrating for the kids who honestly believed I was supposed to pay attention. Fuck that, I'm just there for the money. Anyway, Friday night finally came and I went to my hotel, thoroughly exhausted.

That's when I remembered that I was having a friend come up to my room that I haven't seen in a long time. She showed up at about one and we proceeded to watch random ass shows (including some very educational late night HBO) and basically just shoot the shit. That was all good and fine, till I realized that 7 am was being shown on the clock, and I had to be at a debate tournament once again in another hour. That's when the hallucinations started....

Apparently it's a known fact that going for too long without sleep will cause hallucinations. I did not know this, but now believe that lack of sleep is the best drug ever. The combination of lagging vision like alcohol gives and the "whoa" factor like weed gives is absolutely fucking insane. Not to mention the visions of stuff that aren't there, like really weak shrooms. All in all, kind of cool, but probably not the best feeling to have while you are supposed to be making decisions critical to the success of a high school debater.

So after that mess, I got to drive, yes, drive, to the house we were staying at Saturday night. Very cool guys we were crashing with, friends from the Yankton scene. They were throwing a small social gathering, so I was required to stay up even later and socialize, though I was out on my feet. I did watch a kid get high for the first time, which was hilarious, and there are videos that I hope to acquire soon. Finally, I got to go to bed, and layed there for over an hour because my body forgot how to shut down. Bummer. Anyway, the message of this pointless and drawn out post is this...

Anyway, this was kind of a lame post considering we haven't updated in so long. Sorry, we'll try to keep more on top of it. On a completely different note, Wubbs is ditching me for Spring Break, which is OK since I won't be 21 until a week after (damn it all!) and I don't want to interfere with their bar fun. But if anyone reading this has spring break plans, or wants to make some, that don't involve a lot of $$$, let me know, I'm all about it.