Tuesday, April 27, 2004

A Little Bit of Randomness

So I've had a bunch of decent ideas for posts lately, but none seem good enough for full length discussions, so I'll just toss a bunch in here instead. Please follow along...

LOL 1'M 4 F4G

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I've decided that I hate any internet speak. Anyone who says "lol," "rofl," "wtf," or the ever dreaded "rotflmao" needs a punch square to their testicles. It wouldn't even be that bad in moderation, but I've been getting these messages randomly, "r u there? lol, u r gone... o well, l8r." Seeing that on my screen when I come back from a good masturbation session makes me want to rip out the eyeballs of every puppy within a ten mile radius of me. I don't know why it makes me want to do that, but it does. So, to save the puppies, please don't ever do that to me. Oh, but brb is ok. Colon, end parenthesis.

My Roommate is a Talented Man... And Sexy

Well, Mike was hard at work a while back doing a presentation for one of his graphic design classes. Not only is Mike the sexiest and most bad ass of the roommates, he's also fucking great at what he does, including flash animations. Therefore, you should all download this version of Tenacious D's tribute video. He did all the animation, drawing, and other bitchwork, and it looks fucking fantastic. Right click and save target as to not destroy his bandwidth please.

T-Wolves Better Win, or I Will Cry

So I should be studying all night for a psych test tonight, and going to bed early so I can make it to work at seven A.M. Will I be doing that? Fuck no! Instead, I will be at the bar, cheering on the Wolves to victory. This dismal loss is the only game I haven't watched, and frankly, I blame myself for it. Had I been at the bar watching, things would have obviously been different. The sad part is that I partially believe that. I'm a superstitious bastard.

I Say Revolution, and You Say Ah

Finally, since all you bastards gave absolutely no response when I asked if you wanted to go, Danny Noble and myself will be attending the best concert ever without you fuckers. OAR, Friday night, beers will be drank, plants will be smoked, and music will blast. It's going to be fan-fucking-tastic, and the only one of you assholes who gets anything out of it is Megan when I call her during Crazy Game of Poker so she can hear it. The rest of you just missed out.

All right, that's all I can think of for now. We've been horrible about updating, unfortunately, but we'll pick up on that, I swear. Now, get outside, it's beautiful out there, quit reading this fucking webpage!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Caption This

This is an oldie, but a goodie, courtesy of Fark.com. Sorry the real posts have been few and far between, they'll pick up once I get some of this damn homework out of the way and I get used to this new work schedule. Me and six a.m. have never gotten along too good. Having Danny on board should help keep the page fresh, if he starts making some posts. Anyway, caption this bad boy.

You can't tell me that's not funny. On a side note, special thanks to RP and IceRocket for sponsoring our website. Use the search bar on the side of our website and type in blog. That's right bitches, we're number two. That's because we fucking rule, of course. Anyway, check back in the next couple of days for a real post.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

The Buttsex Party Just Added Another Dick!

Well after months of Shaun and I bringing you this website of exceptional quality (thanks Premium Grain Belt) we have decided to add another memeber to this masterpiece. Our newest member is the one and only Danny Noble. If you think our website was crazy as a twosome you have no idea what is going to happen now that we are a threesome.

Our Newest Member at His Best

On another note a new search engine has been created and considering that my computer does not allow me to use google, yahoo, or msn, it makes me happy. I have been using dogpile for some time and it sucks huge cock. So now I am going to start using this new search engine called Icerocket and so far so good. As the webmaster I am I think you should all check it out and possibly make it your search engine of choice.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Caption This, Please

Oh, as an aside, I found out that the mpeg I put up last post was too big for my U space, so I'll be taking it down. You can download it straight from the guy that made it anyway. Sorry for anyone who tried to download it from me, you only got about half of it. All right, check back, sometime I'll post about my new job, if I keep it for more than a week.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Just A Quick Post To Prove We Haven't Forgotten Goldy's Mom

Well, I wish I had time to update more, but this will have to do for now. I have acquired myself a new job, which means I have to wake up at six a fucking m every weekday morning. The only times I've seen 6 AM in the last year have been when I was still awake for it and not quite ready to pass out. However, total lack of cash is going to have to adjust my schedule, and I'll probably be better off for it. Or I'll sleep in for work over and over till they fire my ass. Either way, it'll be good times.

Hmm, other than that, Easter was a blast and a half. I woke up Friday morning with a hangover to end all hangovers, so I knew the weekend could only get better from there, and it most certainly did. I won't get into details but it certainly involved at least a dozen deviled eggs, reshingling a house, Cruel Intentions, and one very cool girl. That's it, story's over. Ha!

To end this, I better know that all of you are watching the Wolves game Thursday, and then into the playoffs. We're one game away from a number one seed, and our best chance in like eight years to get out of the first damn round of the playoffs. Prediction? We're going all the way, obviously. This state needs at least one championship team and the Gophers fucked that up for hockey, so I can only assume the Wolves will get it done.

For a little inspiration I will allow you guys to download this powerful video. Er, never mind, had to adjust this post, couldn't fit the video on my webspace, just get it from the author. I can't claim ownership of it, this guy made it, along with a lot of other cool flash vis.. I looked all over for an email address for permission, but found none, so I'll assume he won't mind me hosting it. If he does, well, I apologize and he should drop a line to tell me to take it down. But our website is tiny so I assume he'll never know anyway. Regardless, you can't watch that and not be excited about the playoffs, I know I'm pumped.

No Links of the Day today, since I haven't been near a computer much this weekend. Instead, I'll just give this one, which is the most fucked up thing I've read in a while. Cheerio kids... wow, I wish I was British and could make that sound cool.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Getting Ripped the Easy Way

So for quite a while I’ve wanted to get buff. I’ll hit the gym for like a week straight, or go running every day, and then let it fade off. It’s not so much that I lose interest in getting fit, I just lose interest in the activities available to get in shape. So I started thinking, dangerous I know, about activities that I could do that would hold my interest while getting me in shape. That’s when the brainstorm hit!
Come on guys, I can’t believe we haven’t all thought of this. What’s the one physical activity we can’t get enough of? Sex, of course! And more directly, for those of us without true girlfriends, and some of us with them, masturbation. That’s when I decided I needed to invent the masturbation workout, or as I like to call it, Mastercizing.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking that masturbation is only a workout for your favorite arm, and possibly that arm’s wrist. Au contraire, my friend, au contraire. You just haven’t learned the wonderful world of multiple masturbation styles. Luckily for you there is this handy site that can help the uninitiated. It has such helpful mastercizing techniques as…

Insert a balloon (filled with marbles) up you're ass then slightly inflate tie something on the balloon so u don't lose it, and jack off the normal way. Jump around so the marbles stimulate you're prostate feels great guaranteed you'll explode and spray cum every were.

Now that's a full body workout. Don't worry ladies, this site provides for you too. I mean, whom amongst you girls can turn down a workout such as this...

Grind your clit against something. The arm of a sofa should do quite well. Just rock back and forth. Some women may be able to climax without using their hands at all.

Think of all the muscles that works! Not sure you are ready for such a workout? Don’t worry; there are plenty of novice exercises to work you up to that level. There’s also a wide variety of exercise equipment and exercise tapes all over the internet to keep you on a healthy mastercizing schedule you are guaranteed to never get bored with. Soon you boys will be cut and have the ladies all over you. Unfortunately, you may be too drained to appreciate that fact.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Paris Hilton! Gasp!

Are there any lawyers around? Nope. Good. Fuckers. As some of you fairly long time readers may know, our site had its second brief glimpse of fame with the Paris Hilton fuck fest tape that came out. As your ever loyal porn hound I was of course on top of acquiring that famed tape early and delivering it to the masses... er, well, mostly just to Gorilla Mask, who then delivered to the masses. He seems to have many more masses than we have at our site, and quite frankly I blame you readers for that. It couldn't be that our site is inferior, for fuck's sake. Anyway...

As some of you readers may also remember, my post on the topic was taken down a few days later, replaced by a rather sexy picture of me extending my rather sexy middle finger. While I hinted at the reason for such a display of sexiness, I feel that I can now officially (and sexily) come out and say it was because Rick Salomon is a huge raging fuckstick.

Do you like my super well trimmed scruff? Yes, I'm Rick, and I'm a huge fucking dick

Soon after releasing our nice little review of the tape, which as far as Salomon knows, we acquired legally, we received a rather long email from an attorney, on behalf of Rick. The letter was a cease and desist letter, of the highest quality of standard form letters you've ever seen. The email basically outlined a bunch of shit that we, along with other websites, could have done illegal. Besides the fact that the email was an obvious scare tactic, it didn't apply to us at all. Good ole' Goldy's Mom stayed on the good side of the law and actually violated none of the "rights" of Rick Salomon, herein referred to as the Perv.

However, because I am gutless, and didn't really want a legal battle on top of my mounting homework, I decided it was probably wise to just take everything down related to the Perv. I regret that decision to this day. I think that a good old fashioned legal battle with some hilarious email correspondance is just what this website needed to keep a little energy for a while. I failed you readers, saving my own skin, and I apologize. From now on, I will face all of Goldy's legal battles head on. That's what a pre-law major should be all about, after all. In my defense, in responding to the letter I asked for an internship from the lawyer that threatened to sue me. I thought that was pretty ballsy.

On a total side note, since you jackasses pretty much unanimously agreed that I would look like a douche with an eyebrow ring, I've had to think of some alternative forms of bodily mutilation to perform upon myself. I think I've decided on a tatoo. I really want to get the Blum family crest on my chest. Unfortunately, the only people I know who have a picture of the crest are my grandparents that I see about once a year. I did some basic searches on google, but haven't come up with much besides damn pay sites. I'm not paying to see my family crest, damn it, I just want to pay to have it put on my body. So if any of you happen to know a good free way to find something like that, or a good tatoo artist that wants to give me a free one, by all means leave a comment. I'll give you a cookie or a handjob or something if you steer me in the right direction. Just kidding about the handjob... well, for most of you anyway. Fuck, I'm disgusting.

Now, even though I know no one ever clicks on most of these anyway, I'm going to keep doing it. I'm stubborn like that...

Links of the Day

I found this an interesting (read long) article, the top 100 movies that deserve more loooove. Also, CHUD rules as a site.

Anyone else love Phish as much as me? If so, here's a 24 hour a day streaming radio thing devoted entirely to them. Stoners, start your rejoicing now. Best part? It's a umn.edu page!

This article illustrates everything I hate about statistics and the damn people that attempt to use them in such a bullshit way. Rather amusing...

Woman has four breasts! That's just inherently funny.

And best of all, I finally have an excuse. Picking your nose and eating it is medically beneficial! Hooray!