Sunday, April 04, 2004

Paris Hilton! Gasp!

Are there any lawyers around? Nope. Good. Fuckers. As some of you fairly long time readers may know, our site had its second brief glimpse of fame with the Paris Hilton fuck fest tape that came out. As your ever loyal porn hound I was of course on top of acquiring that famed tape early and delivering it to the masses... er, well, mostly just to Gorilla Mask, who then delivered to the masses. He seems to have many more masses than we have at our site, and quite frankly I blame you readers for that. It couldn't be that our site is inferior, for fuck's sake. Anyway...

As some of you readers may also remember, my post on the topic was taken down a few days later, replaced by a rather sexy picture of me extending my rather sexy middle finger. While I hinted at the reason for such a display of sexiness, I feel that I can now officially (and sexily) come out and say it was because Rick Salomon is a huge raging fuckstick.


Do you like my super well trimmed scruff? Yes, I'm Rick, and I'm a huge fucking dick


Soon after releasing our nice little review of the tape, which as far as Salomon knows, we acquired legally, we received a rather long email from an attorney, on behalf of Rick. The letter was a cease and desist letter, of the highest quality of standard form letters you've ever seen. The email basically outlined a bunch of shit that we, along with other websites, could have done illegal. Besides the fact that the email was an obvious scare tactic, it didn't apply to us at all. Good ole' Goldy's Mom stayed on the good side of the law and actually violated none of the "rights" of Rick Salomon, herein referred to as the Perv.

However, because I am gutless, and didn't really want a legal battle on top of my mounting homework, I decided it was probably wise to just take everything down related to the Perv. I regret that decision to this day. I think that a good old fashioned legal battle with some hilarious email correspondance is just what this website needed to keep a little energy for a while. I failed you readers, saving my own skin, and I apologize. From now on, I will face all of Goldy's legal battles head on. That's what a pre-law major should be all about, after all. In my defense, in responding to the letter I asked for an internship from the lawyer that threatened to sue me. I thought that was pretty ballsy.

On a total side note, since you jackasses pretty much unanimously agreed that I would look like a douche with an eyebrow ring, I've had to think of some alternative forms of bodily mutilation to perform upon myself. I think I've decided on a tatoo. I really want to get the Blum family crest on my chest. Unfortunately, the only people I know who have a picture of the crest are my grandparents that I see about once a year. I did some basic searches on google, but haven't come up with much besides damn pay sites. I'm not paying to see my family crest, damn it, I just want to pay to have it put on my body. So if any of you happen to know a good free way to find something like that, or a good tatoo artist that wants to give me a free one, by all means leave a comment. I'll give you a cookie or a handjob or something if you steer me in the right direction. Just kidding about the handjob... well, for most of you anyway. Fuck, I'm disgusting.

Now, even though I know no one ever clicks on most of these anyway, I'm going to keep doing it. I'm stubborn like that...

Links of the Day


I found this an interesting (read long) article, the top 100 movies that deserve more loooove. Also, CHUD rules as a site.

Anyone else love Phish as much as me? If so, here's a 24 hour a day streaming radio thing devoted entirely to them. Stoners, start your rejoicing now. Best part? It's a umn.edu page!

This article illustrates everything I hate about statistics and the damn people that attempt to use them in such a bullshit way. Rather amusing...

Woman has four breasts! That's just inherently funny.

And best of all, I finally have an excuse. Picking your nose and eating it is medically beneficial! Hooray!

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