Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Analyze This!

Here's all I can remember of my dream last night. Analyze it in a way that makes me laugh the most, and you get a prize.

Setting: Fancy restaurant, typical blind date scenario. I'm eating crap, the girl across from me is eating hot dogs. Perfect. She's beautiful (and no, it's no one that I know). Oh yeah, and she's actually blind. My dreams take everything too literally.

Her: So yeah, my friend has been having a really hard time since she had to drop out of school after those gorilla bites she got.

Me: Look, are all of your clothes going to magically disappear soon, or do I have to think harder?!

And then I woke up. So, faithful readerrs, tell me what this means. I'm sure it can't be good.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Mailing It In

In an effort to keep the updates coming, I'm here to drop a few links on all your asses. Check it.

Normally, I would never read a LiveJournal. But for Jesus, I'll make an exception.

If you haven't already seen/heard this check it out. Then watch this.

I can't belive it took this long for this to come up.

That's all I've got, but at least its something.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Can You Believe We Keep Posting?!

This is probably by far the longest we've consistently updated, and quite frankly, I'm surprised we haven't run out of shit to say. Luckily for that cause, I just found this extension for Firefox, called StumbleUpon. If you are looking to blow hours of your day away for no particular reason at all, this is the extension for you. That's right up my alley, so of course I used it, and within ten minutes of cruising around on it, I found these sweet...

Links of the Day


Here's for all the ladies that could never write their names in the snow.

This game sucked up at least three hours of my life, and I'm still addicted.

What a genius idea for a website. I feel dirty reading these.

Honestly, who doesn't love bubble wrap.

And I just found this fucking hilarious (make sure your sound is on).

So, obviously, you should all get this extension. I mean, just look at all the educational things I found. Oh, and one final link, not from there, but this is for Joe, because he's a pimp. Everyone go watch him at the steak knife. Peace all, next time I chat, it'll be on South Dakota time.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Edited Danny's Post

i know everyone expects an elaborate and well thought out post for every time i write now but i say fuck that and fuck all of you. (EDIT: Hello all, this post will be quite short, and I aplogize profusely.) if any of of you think that i have any idea as to what i'm talking about at any point in my rambling bullshit than i hope to god that you will check out href="http://www.steeltrainrock.com"> , , a band that i have been waiting for their first full length album for like two years and they did not dissapoint. (EDIT: If you think you can trust my judgement in music, please check out the band Steel Train Rock, for they thoroughly kick ass.) Granted, i can't classify their music in any regard, but if i could it would be some sort of modern folk rock with a hint of jazz and mandolin and xylophone that i hope will make your heads explode. (EDIT: Nah, this part's OK.) Peace out and i hope you all get your gay ass beauty sleep. (EDIT: Thank you faithful readers, and have a pleasant night.)

P.S. I'm drunk and not sure if i knw enlisgsh probpredly so i mgiht have to edit and make thist post betterererer tomorrow but either way i'm worthless (EDIT: Shaun will go through this, because he's awesome, and make it far more humorous. Also, I will never make drunk posts on Goldy's Mom again, because it annoys Shaun. That is all.)

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Slap The Bag

I bring you breaking news from Goldy's Mom.

As we speak the boys are outside making history. The guys are standing in the lawn playing a new (at least to us) drinking game called Slap The Bag, which basically involves passing a 10 liter bag of Franzia wine around in a circle, drinking from it, and slapping as hard as possible. You are then judged on your slap, given a thumbs-up or thumbs-down and have to drink more accordingly.

There is, of course, more to the story. Wubbs is in full effect on the road-cone, so passerby beware.

A few selected quotes:

"Your skirt should be around my head."
"Jesus was a black Jew."
"That was one hell of a slap."

That's all for now. Stay tuned to the GM as the daily (for now) updates continue.

Friday, April 15, 2005

On Pubes

Danny: I think I shaved my pubes too close today.

Shaun: That, or you have herpes. That sucks though, I hate when that happens.

Danny: I think it's because I used the electric.

Shaun: Whoa, hold the fucking phone. You use the electric? Doesn't that like tear out the pubes?

Danny: No, mine doesn't, I use the beard clipper part. You just gotta watch out for knicking the scrot.

Shaun: Man, fuck that. I guess I don't even shave mine. Use the scissors. I don't mind a little hair, it's not worth hairlessness to worry about slicing my testicle in half.

Danny: True, I don't know, I just do it after I'm done shaving.

Shaun: Yeah, I would alternate days, so I could get all that testicle on my face the next day.

Danny: Wow, too far. So, good conversation huh?

Shaun: Yeah, I don't think I can ever talk to you again though, if that's cool.

Danny: For sure dude.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

608 13th Ave. --- behind the shitty music- Part I: The Wonder-ful Years(and by years i mean like 4 days)

Well, I'm back for another post and it's been awhile again. Now don't fret, this is part one of at least one and a half so plan to leave you all hanging on the edge of your seats... that you sit and mastubate in to porn that you downloaded from the internet. Seeing as there has been a growing group of white rappers gracing the television channels of MTV, MTV2, BET and the lesser known public access channel in Minneapolis, myself, Wubbs, and Shaun Blum have launched rap careers under the aliases of Lord of the Pants, VaginaPunch and Mr. Flycoolfacemcgee III. Due to our massively growing fame we have spent much of our time making public appearances, (bars within two blocks of our house, 2-keg parties on a Thursday, drunk in our living room) and therefore have not found the time to write posts because we are too busy spitting rhymes and gathering posses of mo' fo's so we can just chill and smoke the herb and smack the bitches(and dammit no one can ever tell me they've known a smack until they've smacked a bitch).

Now I used to find it tedious to listen to the special news bulletins from MTV news only to find out it was about another rapper getting shot or having a chair thrown at him on some shitty awards show where talentless bastards get shiny trophies for doing basically nothing(also see Special Olympics). Then one day I realized something-- America likes shitty shitty things. And for fuck's sake I can definitely come up with something that is shitty to the 2nd power.

So, myself, Wubbs, and Blum put our shitty shitty uncreative minds together and began coming up with band names. After nearly two seconds of brainstorming we decided to name our band after our address to stay true to our humble roots. After another minute and a half of creative tinkering on my keyboard, we came up with a mad beat(mostly by hitting the demo button that creates that song that sounds like a combination of 1,000 different fart noises interlaced with sounds of the barnyard-- damn straight we're fucking progressive). We decided to come up with a 21 and 1/4 minute long song entitled "we don't really smack bitches, roll on dubbs, sip on hennessy, get all iced out, go big or small pimping for that matter, smoke on any drugs, bust caps in homies or whitey or do anything that any rapper or rap group "claims" to have done but because we put all of this gayness in the title all you gaywad hiphop fans will buy our cd, p.s. we do smoke on drugs occasionally for the purpose of fun and not because we want to get tipsy in the club or because we want to get retarded in herrrrrrrre." We pushed the album through production, got signed to a record label, made it to number one on TRL went platinum eight times in less than one minute and already received the grammy for album of the year, song of the year, best male and female vocals-- cuz Shaun can sing really really high, and country and western album of the year for the next 15 years worth of grammy's thus cancelling the shitty show and making us the greatest band in the history of shitty music. It was good times.

Next up part II: the not so wonder ful but still kinda sweet anyways years

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Someone Give Me A Great Idea!!!

So, this has been around for a while, but apparently this is the first time I've seen it (that, or I've smoked and drank myself retarded and forgot about it). This site is threatening to kill a bunny unless they receive $50,000. Some of you may look at that and find it grotesque, disgusting, and just plain mean. I look at it, and think it's fucking genius. Always the entrepeneurial type, and never one to want to settle into a REAL job, I find ideas like this to be absolute gold. Plus, they're funny.

So, since I'm having a current problem with my poker career (read: I got broken in half and anally raped... cute, huh? Oh well, it was a good run) I've decided that I need a slightly different way to make a bunch of money. But I'm far too lazy to come up with an idea of my own. So here's the deal. Just one of you needs to come up with an idea for a website/eBay auction, etc. that will make us a bunch of money. That's it, just an idea. I'll do the rest. But it better be a fucking great idea. Then, we'll spend the profits, 50/50. Send all ideas to goldysmom@hotmail.com. We don't need any assholes stealing our ideas in the comment system. I gotta believe that between all the genius/twisted minds that read this site, we should come up with something excellent.

Sigh, maybe it's just wishful thinking. We'll see what you come up with. On a side, and slightly related note, I'm looking for a new job, if anyone has anything interesting to do. And, I'm starting to run on a regular basis, and am looking for people to run with to be motivated and stuff. Hit me up if either sounds like you.

Oh, and we'll be updating the site fairly often again. Danny's got a post ready to be published in the next day or two. And we have an excellent post planned in which we will be live blogging during one of our drinking binges. I'm sure the last post will look something like this: 3 a.m. SDFLkjafewafd I"m waaaaaaaaaaasdyterdrdazfsw I love bees..hahahahahahhahjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

Yeah, that should be great. Later all, check back daily, it should be updated that often for a while.