Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Get in the Kitchen and I'll Heart Your Vagina

Oh feminists, what would we do with out you? Oh wait I definitely know that I would have a sandwich right now, so bitch get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich and don’t forget the mustard and mayo. Make that light mayo I’m on a diet and bring a glass of milk. Don’t forget the dishes when I’m done. Other than making me a sandwich only one other thing comes to my mind when I think of feminism. Why did the feminist cross the road? Yep, that’s right to suck my dick of course. Just because you have feminine itch and have to have 800 commercials that interrupts every one of my television programs, doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch promoting how much you love your vagina. Don’t worry I can smell it all the way over here. Can you make that a tuna sandwich while you are at it? Well maybe I am blowing this out of proportion, maybe feminism isn’t all bad, or maybe I need to get a button that says “I heart my penis.” I do have my left had down my pants right now admiring my wang, making it much harder to type this post than usual and also why this is posted a week later than planned. Oh and after this post I will probably need that button since no girl will ever want to heart my penis ever again or for the first time. Well seriously girls I kid when I write this, so don’t fret and p.s. get in the damn kitchen and make me that fucking sandwich.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Ramblings From Spring Jam

Spring Jam wasn't all it was cracked up to be, but still a hell of a lot of fun. Unfortunately the weather was not prime, thus grilling outside and beer pong on the street were not to be had. However, caps was played aplenty indoors, and Danny and I discovered once again that one vs. one caps is a horrible idea.

Other things learned: Everclear apparently sucks as a live band now that they don't do drugs. Random dudes coming into your house at three in the morning is always a bad idea, and often lead to the cops being called. A full keg plus not inviting anyone to your house equals waaaaaaaaay too much beer to consume. Slarks can't make it a weekend, much less five weeks, without drinking, even if there is over a thousand dollars riding on it. And finally, I learned that Blarney's can no longer make a decent White Russian, but they still charge over five bucks for each attempt.

Finally, probably the best part of the weekend came on Sunday. I recommend that everyone go out and see this movie. In a hazy state of mind is recommended, but certainly not necessary.

Mos Def, John Malkovich, and dozens of others put up absolutely amazing performances in this movie, which is probably as true to the absurd book as it can be. Definitely worthy of the six bucks I spent on it, and I'll probably be going again. You should all definitely check it out.

On one final note, the house is thinking about having a three man keg race over the weekend. That means, three people to a team, full keg, whoever gets done first is all that is man (or woman, since I think Mal is getting a team together). This is still tentative, but drop a comment if you think you can put together a team that has a prayer of a chance against Old House Ballas (me, Tim, and Wubbs). Also, let us know when a good weekend would be when most people are free. Later all.